The Courtship of Hazuki's Father
by Arty d'Arc
Summary: All Kyon wanted was one day of peace. He should have known that such a request would only be invitation for something even weirder than aliens, time travelers, and espers: his daughter.
1. Part One

_The Courtship of Hazuki's Father_

While it has only been two years, I think that I have been subject to enough strange and mysterious events to fill the average person's lifetime, thanks to a certain someone that we all know so very well. And since we do all know her, I think we can all safely say I've earned some peace and quiet. I'm not asking for much. I'm a reasonable guy, and I know that as long as that certain someone is around, I'm not ever going to get more than a day's peace at most, so all I'm really asking for is that one day. All I want is that one day when the world is not in danger, Haruhi is not up to her usual tricks, and the forces of the universe are nothing but a passing thought, coming ever so gently in those last few seconds of consciousness before I fall asleep.

Karma however didn't seem to agree. At least, it hasn't seen fit to bestow such a fine day on me yet. In fact, life just seems to get weirder and weirder, considering the small girl with brown pigtails suddenly apparated in the doorway of my bedroom.

No, seriously. Just poof and she was here, though for all our sakes she better not have really apparated; my life was complicated enough without adding witches and wizards to the mix.

"Hello?" I called hesitantly, not thinking of anything else better to say, and she turned around quickly. Her eyes were wide open, clearly filled with fear behind those fringed bangs, until suddenly they blinked. Once. Twice. They squinted, examining me with a scrutiny that seemed too intense for a girl her age (whatever her age happened to be).

She spoke, voice small and light and trembling:

"Papa?"

One day. Was that really too much to ask?

Hey eyes widened again, but this time without fear. Instead they were bright with excitement, and her face opened with an admittedly glorious smile as she ran forward.

"Papa!"

Before I could stop her, she latched her arms around my legs.

Papa?! What the hell was she talking about?!

She seemed to pick up on the general attitude, even if I said nothing aloud, as she quickly let go and looked me over again.

"You don't look right."

I should hope so!

"Look, kid," I said as calmly as possible, "I think you're confused. I'm not your dad." And how did you even get here anyway?!

She looked down guiltily, hands quickly moving to cover the pocket of her purple pants. She was definitely young, maybe five or so―anyone older would have realized that doing so only made her look more suspicious.

"Well?"

She sniffled and looked up again, her mouth firmly set in a pout. I knew this act. My little sister was a master, always trying to get out of being punished by making me pity her first. Unfortunately for this girl, she was_ not _my relative (couldn't be!), and therefore had nothing going for her.

Standing my ground, I repeated, "Well?'

It came out in a rush. "I went into your office even though I wasn't supposed to and I saw that metal thing that your friend gave you last week even though I wasn't supposed to see _that_ and I really really wanted to play with it and I knew that I shouldn't but when I was looking at it it fell into my hands accidentally and then I felt really icky and then I was here and you looked funny."

She was crying now, and it occurred to me that while it had started that way, it wasn't an act anymore.

Tentatively, trying not to confuse this girl any more than I apparently was, I crouched down to her height.

"Can you show me the metal thing?"

With a sniffle and a nod, she dropped her hand into her pocket and pulled out a golf-ball sized metal device, which she carefully handed me. It was mostly round, with bits of red and blue spikes and wires popping out every which way, making it look like a cross between a bomb and those little vibrating balls they used to have when I was younger, but really there was only one thing I could decisively say: it looked complicated, and definitely futuristic.

Part of me thought, _Ah, I should have known. It has to be a TPDD._

The other part however thought more along the lines of:

_IT'S A TPDD?! _

I looked away to quietly panic. If she saw me freaking out, she'd probably get more upset and I didn't want that to happen. But . . .

If that was a TPDD . . . then . . .

I looked back at her again, really analyzing her this time. She had brown hair, plain but deep, tucked into two tails that trailed down to a few inches below the shoulders and a set of equally brown eyes to match. Her ears stuck out a tad, making them seem bigger than they were, and as she looked up again, I noticed her face was shaped ever so familiarly, with an overall roundness and pointy jutting out chin.

Oh, God. Allah. Shiva, Jehovah―anyone. All you had to do was hand me an encyclopedia and I'd pray to every power in existence if it'd get me out of this mess.

"What's wrong?"

_This whole situation!_ was what I thought, but I didn't dare say it. There really was no doubt about it though. She looked like me, incredibly so, and no one bar creation in a lab could be so entirely her own person and yet so clearly influenced by another unless …

"What's your name?" I finally choked out.

She squinted, confused. "Hazuki, Papa."

Hazuki.

My daughter, Hazuki.

This was not something I should know.

"Oh, brother," I sighed, slowly and deeply, and a grin splashed on her face as quickly as a kindergartener would throw paint on a wall (or as she would, more likely; she definitely looked the type).

"Papa, it _is _you!"

How did _that_ convince you?! I shook the shock off, realizing I had more important things to talk about. Namely:

"Look . . . Hazuki. Do you know what this is?" I waved the TPDD.

She shook her head, smile fading to a more serious expression. "No."

"Do you know what time traveling is?"

She squinted, apparently thinking hard. Then her eyes opened again as exuberance washed over her. "Yes! That's why you look all funny!"

"Yeah. See, what happened―"

"I want to see!" And with that declaration she whipped herself around and ran to the window, opening it and leaning dangerously over the windowsill in mere seconds.

"Hey, be careful!" It might just be the second floor but we were still high up!

I crossed over quickly, but she had already replanted herself firmly on the carpet, a scowl taking the grin's place.

"That was dumb," she grumbled to the window, as if she expected an apology. "Everything looks the same."

And what exactly had she been expecting, I wonder. Dinosaurs? Geisha? Samurai warriors battling in the streets? It wasn't like she had come back hundreds of years!

Actually, that was a good question, come to think. "When exactly do you come from?"

It was apparently the right thing to say, as she quickly turned about-face and chirped, "April 10, 2025."

The grin was back, this time tinged with pride. She must have only just learned her dates.

"So, about fifteen years from now . . ." Now that was a scary thought. It wasn't easy to think of myself that way. I'd be over thirty! No wonder current me looked funny to her. But, really, as odd as it seemed to me, fifteen years wasn't really that long a time. Tanabata wishes wouldn't even be granted yet, if you went by Haruhi's logic. So then, why was she taking this in such good stride? Surely time traveling couldn't be so readily available by then!

"It's 2010 now," she announced.

"You did the math?"

Her eyes narrowed. "No, papa, you told me!"

What?Try as might, I couldn't remember ever doing so.

"Well, _you_ didn't tell me. Papa One told me so I wouldn't be scared."

That made even less sense. "I thought you weren't supposed to be here?"

"I'm not."

"Then how could I have told you?"

Her eyes narrowed further, and she licked her lips, clearly giving it careful thought. "I dunno. But you told me, that when you looked funny I shouldn't be scared, because I was in 2010 and you'd look funny to me but you'd still be my papa and I'd be okay."

"I see." And I did. It was another one of those time snares, like the incident last winter―the event had already happened to some future me, so he had to make sure it would happen to current me, and fifteen years from now I would have to do the same thing. Time travel was such a pain. I probably wouldn't even get to figure out why she was here until then, if it wasn't anything more than an accident gone out of control to begin with.

"Okay then. Did he say how you were supposed to get back?"

"No."

I could've guessed that one. He hadn't even told her how to get here.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"I dunno."

"He didn't tell you that either?"

"Nope."

I waved the TPDD again. "And you don't know how to use this, right?"

"No," she said, but quickly corrected with a "Wait, yeah? Does that mean I do or I don't?"

"You don't."

"Oh. No, I don't."

Should have guessed that one too.

But wait. Why was I getting all upset about this? I had Miss Asahina, a full-fledged time traveler to help me out! She would know how to use this thing. That must be why my future self didn't say anything to her. It wasn't like she'd be able to explain it to me anyway. I get the feeling that as bright and eloquent as Hazuki appeared to be for her age, there still was that qualifier 'for her age'. Any explanation from her would involve a lot of "Um, I forget" and "I think it's the blue thing on top of the red thing". All I had to do was find Miss Asahina!

Except, she was at school. Where I should be in … five minutes. Damn it. What was I going to do with Hazuki? I couldn't leave her alone; my parents were on a trip, not even here for a semblance of company, even though I couldn't let her meet them anyway. The most I could do was bring her with me, put her in the clubroom for safekeeping, and hope for the best. Nagato seemed to go there every second she got, so she'd at least have some company until school let out, and it was only a half-day. I'd grab Asahina as soon as the bell chimed and everything would be fine, assuming that Father Time didn't step in and fix this on his own by then.

I sighed again, dropping the TPDD into my blazer pocket. It wasn't the best plan, but it would have to do. "All right. Look, I have to go to school―"

"―Can I come with you?" she interrupted immediately, eyes wide and nervous again. I guess she didn't like the idea of being alone either.

"That was the plan, yeah."

Her face lit up with excitement, but just as quickly she was hesitant. I wish I had a stopwatch; I get the feeling Hazuki could easily break the record for the fastest emotional changes.

"Can I bring a book?" she asked finally, in an odd teacher-like sort of voice, like she was testing my response.

She could read? Then again, I think I was reading by her age. My little sister was never much for it so she started later, but maybe it was normal for other kids?

"Yeah, sure."

It must have been the answer she was looking for, as she beamed and went directly to my closet, where my old books were in fact kept away in a box. So much for my parents's dreams of moving to the country after my sister and I graduated. Hazuki seemed to know this place like the back of her hand.

Because it was her grandparents' house. Who were my parents. Making me _her_ parent.

This was way too much. I had a strong urge to take Hazuki to her time myself so I could give future me a piece of my mind. Damn the space-time continuum―I didn't want to know this! Her name, her face, her personality, all ten years before she was even born! And if it was ten years before that, then that meant …

Within ten years, I'd be married.

And with that thought things went from bad to worse. But I had to stop thinking about this. Any more and I was going to make myself sick. I still had a math test to worry about.

With that decision to bottle up all thoughts of angst and misery made, I headed downstairs to make another lunch for Hazuki. It was something much easier than done though, as when she joined me in the kitchen with a small stack of picture books and fairy tale collections tightly pressed to her chest, she took one look inside the bag and literally curled up like a salted slug in disgust.

"What's that?"

Which that?

I took a guess, thinking back to when my sister was her age. "Squid. It's good for you."

"I don't like squid."

"Can't say that if you didn't know what it was."

"Yes, I can!" She stomped, face already firing up for a temper tantrum. Oh, brother. I definitely didn't have time for this. What would I say to my sister?

"Well, your choice then. If you're not going to eat what's in there, you'll just have to stay here alone. I'm not carrying the cupboards around so you can have whatever you feel like having."

Her eyes grew wide and she shut the bag instantly, rearranging the books so she could hug it to her chest as she shook her head. I get the feeling it wouldn't be that easy if she still wasn't a little freaked out about all this, but at least it worked this time.

"Okay, then," I said, grabbing my own lunch. "Come on."

I walked out of the kitchen, Hazuki carefully trailing behind. It wasn't until I got outside the door and began to prepare the bike that the second obstacle presented itself.

"Papa two?"

I flinched, hopefully lightly enough that she wouldn't notice.

"Yeah, Hazuki?" I asked, standing the bike upright.

Instantly, she jumped back from it like it was a stinging jellyfish. "Do I have to ride that?"

"It's the quickest way there."

She frowned, clutching the bag and books tighter to her chest. At this rate she was going to burst the bento inside. I lowered myself and touched her arm. Instantly, my body tried to jolt back, but I glued myself to the ground. What was I expecting, for my hand to just go through her? She was a time-traveler from the future, not a ghost from the past. It just still didn't seem real to me though. Again, fate had been less than kind to me, but my future was one line I would have liked it to leave uncrossed.

That wasn't really Hazuki's fault though. And as odd as this was for me, the least I could do was prove I wasn't a jerk. So with a smile I didn't completely mean, I said, "It'll be fun, all right? We'll just put your lunch in my backpack, and the books and you in my basket. You'll get the wind in your face and everything."

She thought this over, that same intensely scrutinizing expression once again kneading her eyebrows into two mirrored hills, but eventually her lips curved upward. She had only one more concern: "You won't let me fall?"

"Your dad said I'd take care of you, right?"

She nodded―a swift, confident "yes", and this time I meant the grin. While I would have preferred not to know anything at all, if I did have to learn all this, it was nice to see that she trusted her version of me so completely.

"Then that's what I'm going to do, okay?"

The upturn was now a full-blast smile and she rushed to the bike. I deposited her things in their respective places (all but a worn little book she refused to let go of), and carefully placed her inside the basket. In moments, we were off, if much more slowly than I usually went, her hands tightly gripping the handlebars behind her after she safely locked the book between her knees. Her fear seemed pretty much forgotten though, judging by her squeals every time I went down a hill.

* * *

By the time I actually got to class, the half-day had become a three-eighths day, and neither Okabe nor Haruhi were particularly happy about my choice to make it so. Especially not Haruhi, who glared at me from the second I stepped into the door until I finally settled into the seat, as if daring me to run away again. It wasn't as if there was anything I could do though. First I had to escort Hazuki into the clubroom, which seemed like a reasonably simple task until she got distracted by any little thing that moved. Then I had to convince her to actually stay in the room, which of course seemed boring and stupid (not to mention lonely) next to the miraculous wonders North High was surely keeping from her. After convincing her that reading the books would be much more exciting than Geometry class, I then had to get bombarded with question after question about anything she could spot (a stalling tactic, I'm sure), and answer them as patiently as I could. Honestly, if Nagato hadn't shown up and taken my word that I'd explain later (and if Hazuki wasn't so fascinated by her stoicism, as she tried in vain to distract her from her book), I wouldn't have ever gotten out of there. I just hoped Hazuki would remember the cover story, of her being my little cousin dropped off at my place after a sudden family emergency. She hadn't really looked all that comfortable with lying, or maybe she just didn't really get the concept—

"Kyon!"

I felt a nick at the back of my neck. Speaking of people who didn't understand basic concepts …

"You better not have been playing hooky."

"If I were playing hooky, why would I be here?"

She didn't answer and though I didn't turn back, I knew she was scowling. It really was a stupid question; she probably knew it too. She was just trying to get me to explain where I was, though why she couldn't just ask me outright, I couldn't tell you if I tried.

It did work though, so I guess I had only myself to blame for her bad habit. "I had to take care of my cousin."

"I thought your cousins lived far away?"

Damn. She remembered. "They do, mostly. One of my aunts though lives closer and she and her husband had to deal with some family issues. She didn't want my cousin involved so she dropped her off at my place."

"But your parents are on a business trip."

A word of advice: never tell someone you might have to lie to at any second every detail of your life! "They are; that's why I have to take care of her. She's only five or so. She's in the clubroom right now with Nagato."

"They trusted you with a small child?!"

Coming from someone with no siblings to a big brother who's often had to take care of his little sister, you better believe I took offense.

"Well, I guess you were pretty good to your sister when we went to that island on spring break."

… Correct me if I'm wrong, but did she just apologize? Almost?

Apparently that was enough on the matter, as Haruhi quickly remembered those days on the island and talked excitedly about some of the plans for the next trip until class began again. At least, that was it until the end of the day, when Haruhi leaped out of her seat.

"You're so slow, Kyon!" she called behind her, already halfway to the door. "What if Yuki's not with her? You can't leave a five year old by herself for too long!"

Again? Coming from an only child―

"Kyon!"

But she had a point. Besides, I had to find Miss Asahina, and since I wouldn't be able to sneak away from Haruhi now, there was only one place to go.

* * *

We entered the clubroom only to find the other members already there. Nagato and Koizumi sat in their usual spots, though too distracted by the spectacle of Hazuki to be enjoying their usual hobbies. The girl had somehow trapped herself inside the frog head, and was now running around wildly with Miss Asahina chasing after her.

"Kyon!" she squeaked, sounding and looking out of breath (though magnificently so, I might add) as she panted and stopped in front of me. "I'm―I'm so sorry! She―she wanted to see it and I thought―"

"―I've got her," Koizumi interrupted from his seat. He had one arm wrapped around Hazuki's waist, though from her sharp giggling I doubted she minded the chase being cut short.

Miss Asahina merely gaped before stuttering out, "How―how did you do it?"

"With children, you just have to wait for them to come to you."

He smiled, a bit too slyly for my liking, looking at me. And just what is that supposed to mean, Koizumi? You better not be calling me a kid.

Suddenly eager to get her out of his grasp, I walked forward. "Hazuki, come here."

She obeyed immediately, reaching out with her arms as best she could from underneath the costume piece and then wrapping them around my neck as I got down and removed it.

From behind, Haruhi started speaking in that exaggerated, queenly tone that I knew meant trouble. "Hazuki, huh? Well, present her to your Chief!"

_She's not a baby, and you're no high priestess _was what I thought, but I knew better than to argue. I picked Hazuki up and turned her over, nearly bumping into Haruhi since apparently 'being presented' was the same as 'being analyzed centimeter by centimeter like a bacterial cell under a microscope. She hmmed and huhed for quite a while, during which time Hazuki remained surprisingly quiet and polite, though staring back with an equal amount of focus.

When Haruhi was satisfied, she stood upright again and with a smug look decreed, "You two are definitely family! I can always tell these things, but I can really see the resemblance with you!"_  
_

I withheld the groan; you didn't know the half of it, Haruhi.

Hazuki smiled sweetly. "Can I play with Mr. Frog again?"

"Of course!"

Well, that explained the politeness!

She quickly wriggled her way out of my grasp and grabbed at the head I had so foolishly left on the ground, dropping it back on her head with a giggle.

Oh, well. "Just don't run again, all right?"

The head bobbed down then up, so I think she nodded. Unable to run, she hopped to the other side of the room where her books were, so it was safe to turn away (for now).

"Sorry if she was any trouble," I said to Miss Asahina, who instantly waved the comment away with a dazzling grin Aphrodite herself couldn't replicate.

"It was fun! She wasn't any trouble at all, really!"

There was no way anyone couldn't love that girl. I tried to apologize again, since despite her assurance, the beads of sweat still framing her lovely face made it clear that Hazuki had been _some_ trouble, but Haruhi soon shouted:

"Kyon, sit down! We have important Brigade duties to discuss!"

So that was that. I did as I was told and listened to Haruhi drone on for a few hours about the new school year and our preparations to receive some new members, only stopping to check on Hazuki every so often. Thankfully, even Haruhi seemed excited to start the break because she dismissed us early and was the first to leave, only stopping to make Hazuki promise to put the frog away when she was done (as if I wouldn't have made her).

With Haruhi gone, I was finally able to ask the question I had been meaning to ask all day.

"Miss Asahina. What do you know about this?"

I took out the TPDD and showed it to her.

"Th―that …"

She squeaked, running over to me and snatching it from my palm.

"Where―where did you get this?!"

Wasn't it obvious?

"Ask Miss Frog over there."

Only Hazuki, who apparently was too young to understand dramatic tension, spoke, breaking the silence that should have followed.

"It's Mr. Frog! I'm just wearing his head!"

Mr. Frog—got it.

Koizumi soon followed her lead, as he leaned forward in his chair towards Miss Asahina. "Is she part of your organization?"

"No! Definitely not!"

Maybe not, but as for them having nothing to do with this, I wasn't too sure. Miss Asahina (big) after all wasn't exactly the most trustworthy of people, and certainly had no qualms about messing around with people to achieve what needed to be done.

"I don't even understand where she could have gotten this!" she continued, looking down frantically at the ball and turning it around in her hand delicately, as if the slightest wrong touch could break it. "This is one of the original prototypes of the time travel model, something that was meant only for experimental purposes! It must be centuries old!"

Wait. Centuries? But if it was that old … "Miss Asahina, please tell me you know how to work it."

She shook her head. "I wouldn't even know how to start."

My face must have been quite a sight, because she quickly stammered, "But don't worry! The prototype models were from a very early stage of development, maybe as early as [Classified Information]. That means there should be a time-limit on how long it will keep her tethered to this time plane, as long as she has it on her."

As if realizing it only as she said it, she quickly handed it back to me, still treating it as if it were made of very delicate china. But then, she would know; maybe it really was that breakable. I had a sudden image of Hazuki thowing herself down in a tantrum, a small little crunch barely heard amongst the wails, but I shook it away. It couldn't be helped. If she needed to have it, she needed to have it.

"Hey, Hazuki!"

The frog head turned, tilted, but then quickly came running towards me. I waited for her to get close then lifted the costume head off, putting it behind me. I was not going to have this conversation with a frog.

She gave it one last longing before blinking up at me expectantly.

"Did you hear what Miss Asahina said?"

"Who's Miss Asahina?"

The girl in question smiled, tugging at my sleeve like the picture of innocence. "I introduced myself as Mikuru."

So, so adorable. But anyway:

"What Mikuru said, then."

"… Yes." Hardly convincing, what with the pause.

"I won't be mad if you say you didn't."

Hazuki let out a deep sigh of relief, dipping her whole head forward. "No."

I lowered myself down so I could stare her right in the eyes, then held out the TPDD between us.

"In order to get home, you need to hold on to this, okay? It's very important. You cannot lose it, under any circumstances."

I placed it in her pocket, and she nodded, a fierce look of determination falling on her. "Okay, P2."

Now, I've been called a lot of names in my life, but I've never heard that one before.

"P2?"

"Well, because I can't call you Papa Two, right?"

Somewhere behind me, I heard a very startled squeak and the swift thud of a closing book. While Koizumi was out of my line of sight, I didn't doubt he had reacted too, even if it was just a split-second lowering of the mask to make sure he was watching this scene correctly.

I guess I couldn't avoid it forever. I just would have preferred it to be later rather than sooner. Much, _much_ later.

"Hazuki, remember the cousin story?"

"But you're not my cousin, P2."

"Just for pretend, though. Remember?"

She nodded, though clearly not happy about it what with the pout and downcast eyes. Her hands reached out for the head, trying to get around my back to grab at it, and with a sigh I took it and dropped it on her head. There was no use punishing her. No doubt she had spent all five years of her life being told _not_ to lie, and she seemed like a naturally honest girl just in general; of course she was going to go with her first instinct.

I watched her hop back to her books before turning to the rest of the Brigade, all of whom were still staring at me in varying states of shock. Even Nagato's usual blinking speed was delayed, a sure-fire sign of surprise.

Unsurprisingly though, Koizumi was the first to recover.

"I would assume the you in her time is Papa One?"

You'll forgive me if I don't acknowledge a dumb question, especially when Miss Asahina was stepping forward to ask, "Is she … I mean, do you …"

She tripped over her words a few more times, but I got the general gist. "She knows my house well enough, and she seems pretty convinced."

Koizumi rubbed his chin fervently. "Do you know how far away in the future she is?"

"15 years."

He stilled, apparently taken back. "Hardly a long time, is it?"

You're just the king of stupidity today, aren't you, Koizumi?

Not that I didn't know what he meant, having agonized about it earlier myself. You would think he'd have known me long enough by now though to realize I didn't want to discuss the romantic implications of this with him.

"Have you asked about the mother?"

Apparently not. Though neither did Hazuki, clearly, as she suddenly tuned in to chime, "Mama is—"

"—Hazuki, I forbid you to finish that sentence!"

She stopped, a small little _meep_ coming out as she clenched her mouth shut over the words, and Koizumi chuckled, dropping his hand to cross both arms across his chest.

"I see you're getting into the role quickly enough," he said with a smile, apparently aiming to make sure no one took his crown from him.

"I'm glad you're enjoying this but it's actually really bothersome."

"Are you so sure?"

I turned away from Koizumi's idiocy to the only person who had a right to say anything in this discussion.

"Does fifteen years match the model?" I asked Miss Asahina.

She bit her lip, her cheeks flooding with red. "Classified information."

I guess I really should have seen that one coming. "So what do I do with her?"

Miss Asahina shrugged, looking back at the little frog with concern before turning back to me, cheeks getting even redder. "I wish I could tell you how long the time limit was, but I really just don't remember, Kyon. I'm sorry, but it's just one of those things. I never thought I'd need to know it!"

Now look what you've done, moron! I shook my head and put together some sort of apology, adamant that it wasn't her fault; and it wasn't. I shouldn't have expected her to know, or anyone else for that matter. As much as I wish that I could ask Nagato and she could take care of my problems for me like she always did, this wasn't that sort of situation. As strange as it was, I just had to wait it out. It wasn't like the universe was doing me any favors anytime soon.

Useless to help, the others left, while after some begging I stayed with Hazuki so she could have time to bid farewell to Mr. Frog.

* * *

Getting home was simple enough. Hazuki quickly fell asleep halfway through the journey, but she was light enough that it was easy to throw her over my shoulder and just push the bike home. It actually turned out better, because it gave me some time to myself for the first time all day

Of course, fate couldn't have that.

I opened my door to find Haruhi standing there, duffel bag in hand.

"About time, Ky—oh."

She stopped mid-name, realizing the source of my tardiness was still deep in dreamland.

"I guess I'll let you slide without a penalty this time," she whisper-yelled (strange verb, I know, but if anyone could do it, Haruhi could).

Oh, great. Somehow though, my concern was more along the lines of:

"Mind telling me how you got into my house?"

"Your little sister told me where the spare key was. You really should hide it someplace more secretive, Kyon! Everyone uses the behind the bush trick!"

Considering you had to call to find it, it can't have been that obvious. But on to concern number two:

"And why are you here, then?"

"To keep Hazuki company, of course!"

And what am I, a houseplant?

Haruhi went on, swinging the bag around her arm as she explained, "I could tell just from looking at her that she's an energetic, fun-loving kind of girl. She'd be bored stiff being stuck alone in a house with you all weekend. Now, if your little sister were home, I wouldn't have bothered but since she's taking the opportunity to stay at a friend's house, what kind of person would I be to leave her trapped like that?"

Like every other person in the world, actually. But then, when was Haruhi ever content to be like anyone else?

"The rest of the Brigade is coming too," she added quickly, stepping aside, "so come on already."

I did as I was told, moving Hazuki into my arms to go through the door, but I felt the slight pick-up in my mood burning out. Maybe this was all because I had asked for a good day. After all, if Haruhi was supposed to be able to influence fate, it could only be that they matched each other in perversity. Birds of a feather, right? So of course, when I asked for one day of peace, I got a mission to wallow through the circles of hell, without even Virgil to guide me. I mean, I saw Haruhi enough during the break! Couldn't I have this one night of all nights to relax before she put me to work again?! I could bet you that any minute now, she was going to complain about dinner or a lack of activities or—

Wait, where did she go?

I turned around, narrowly avoiding swinging Hazuki into the banister, but despite having followed me to the stairs, Haruhi was gone. Huh. Maybe things were going to get better. I doubted she was _gone_ gone but at the very least she wasn't making a nuisance of herself.

I adjusted Hazuki again and made the trek up the staircase into my sister's room. Thankfully, the door was slightly ajar, so I was able to push it open with my foot—for as far as it would go, anyway. It barely moved three inches before being blocked by something large and heavy enough to make a solid _thunk_.

A quick look inside confirmed my suspicions, as I looked upon a battlefield of fallen toys and scavenged clothing. On the bed lay the beginnings of the clean-up crew's labor, leaving very little room even for a girl as small as Hazuki. No wonder my sister suddenly decided to have a sleepover. No doubt she'd knew she'd be forced to fix this if she were here. My mom was pretty lenient but no way would I have let her get away with this.

Oh, well. It'd just have to be my bedroom then. I rerouted, holding Hazuki close to me as I fumbled for the doorknob.

It was only then, as her head fell on my shoulder and her hot breath caught my neck, that the full reality of this situation hit me. I had gotten the shock and the anger—those were pretty hard to miss—but now the sheer wonder of this whole thing hit me like a roundhouse kick to the head.

I was _holding my daughter_.

You shouldn't get me wrong. I've never been a sentimental guy. I have been known to maybe cherish Miss Asahina's beauty for a bit too long (though really, there wasn't a man alive who wouldn't be driven to poetry by her) but it wasn't like I was overcome with love and compassion for this tiny little being that I was resting on my bed. I hardly knew her after all, though in my day's worth of knowing her, I'd found plenty to like.

But, watching her curl up around Shamisen as he hopped up to sleep with the new human heater, I had to say, of all the strange situations I've been thrown into over the years? As frustrating as this one was, it was still probably the best. She was cute, smart, caring, energetic (maybe too energetic but still). And I had helped to make that, or would help to make that.

Even I had to admit there was something a little cool about that.

When I got downstairs though, Haruhi had reappeared to distract me from my newfound paternal instinct. She was leaning on the kitchen doorframe, but her face looked far from relaxed or bored. She was scowling, snapping her cell phone open and shut in steady three-quarter time.

"What's up?" I asked.

"The others can't come. They have other things to do."

"Well, when did you call them about this?"

"A half hour ago."

… Was she really surprised? I thought she had gotten over this need to own people.

"This is appalling. What would happen if this were a real emergency?! What if you were hiding an alien? Or a time traveler that could get away at any second?"

No comment.

"We'd lose it! I'm going to have to institute drills during the break to practice. Last one there will get an especially steep penalty."

My wallet curled up in the darkest corner of my pocket to cry. I'd go and comfort it, but it was only just now that it occurred to me, what Haruhi probably was really angsting over. If no one else was coming, then …

Then I was stuck alone with Haruhi Suzumiya.

* * *

_Oh, boy._

_Okay, so, let me explain. This idea struck me when I saw a comic a LONG time ago on the image boards. I think my writing partner-in-crime Audley (who else?) and I talked about it casually (mostly how ADORABLE it would be for Kyon to be called Papa even though that wouldn't actually happen in Japanese), but that was it. Then I was watching Moonphase (what? It's pretty, okay!) and I really liked the sound of the name Hazuki, and of course as always happens with my ideas it mutated and grew, so now, here we are. Everyone's entitled to a cracky mood every so often, right?_

_So, yeah, this is totally just fluff (despite it being the longest single piece of anything I've written to date—how weird is that?) which I don't really do all that often but hey. It's good stress relief after work, play rehearsals and subsequent performances, and Crossing the Stars (which is still going, so no worries—chapter four's nearly all written). But anyway, I'm having a fabulously fun time writing it (even if I'm more than a bit terrified about posting it) and I hope you felt the same about reading it (and if you did, thank Audley, because she was the one that got all giddy and pushed me to get it up)._

_Until we meet again._

_

* * *

_**DISCLAIMER: The _Haruhi Suzumiya_ series is the property of Kadokawa, Nagaru Tanigawa, and most especially not myself. This fic is done for pleasure, not profit.**


	2. Part Two

_Part Two._

Now, I've known Haruhi for quite a while. If you were to count from the very first day I saw her, for me we were soon coming up on a one year anniversary. For her, it was more like four years—not that she had any idea that the mysteriously handsome teenager who called himself John Smith and the ill-fated slave she called Kyon were one and the same, so really it was also one. Now, knowing all this, you might be surprised why I was so terrified by the prospect of being alone with her like this. "But, Kyon," you might say, "this must have happened before."

To which I'd have to answer: "Hell, no."

Sure, there had been that one horrifying foray into closed space and the subsequent conversation and walk with her around town, but nether were events I cared to remember and they were both a long, long time ago. I was more naïve then, and didn't understand the dangerous situations such a thing could bring about. I had learned by now, so after that, I really couldn't say the two of us had ever been alone together; Haruhi never planned activities the whole Brigade couldn't enjoy and being of sound mind and body, it wasn't a request I'd ever make.

And yet, here we are. At least, for now. I mean, if the others weren't coming, surely Haruhi would leave, wouldn't she? I mean, it'll be boring with just the two of us and a sleeping Hazuki!

"What are you, crazy?" she asked with a glare when I pointed this out to her. "Boring or not boring, by the time I get to the train station from your house it'll be dark!"

"Since when are you afraid of the dark?"

Her face jumped a few billion shades on the color wheel to a furious red. "Don't you dare talk to your Chief that way! A Brigade Chief isn't afraid of anything! I'm just not about to get a reprimand from my parents because of your reckless actions! And besides, they're already expecting me to be out for the next few days and the others are completely aware they have to be here at 8:00 AM sharp tomorrow. I might as well just stay here, so you better make it worth it, Kyon! It's not everyday I pay such incredible favors without expecting anything in return!"

What favor? Unless it was to fate, which was still thoroughly committed to the art of screwing me over?

"And anyway, the food will be here at any second."

Food? "You ordered out?"

"Like I was going to trust your cooking!" Fair enough. Though I wonder, who exactly is going to pay for this no doubt highly expensive meal?

"It's your house, so you're good for it, right?"

Like I even had to ask. This time I did console my wallet, before it finally gave up on life and hung itself on a pant thread. However, there was no use fighting it, so I sank down to sit on the steps. Haruhi made diamonds look like jello when it came to hard-headedness. If she had decided to stay, I would just have to focus on survival. I could only pray that Hazuki didn't wake up until she went to bed—I really didn't want to think what would happen if Haruhi realized that there really was a time traveler hiding out in my bedroom, and with Hazuki's unfortunate penchant for honesty, it was bound to happen if the two ended up alone together.

So, what do I do? To be really honest, I wasn't used to hanging out with anyone one to one. I've been alone before with Nagato, Miss Asahina, and Koizumi but for the first two more often then there not there was business involved, and for the last, we mostly just talked about Haruhi. Over a game, admittedly, but still. What do you do when you're with someone that had no idea that the world quivered every time she stepped?

I didn't really have an answer, but I had to choose something. I could already tell she was getting bored, as she had her arms tightly crossed across her chest. So, I said the first thing I could think of:

"Want to play a game?"

* * *

"Damn you, Kyon, now I'm on my last balloon!"

"Damn yourself, I've been on mine for the last hour!"

I can only assume that after the events last year with the computer club, Haruhi had brushed up on her gaming abilities, because she was rather scarily good. I mostly played against my sister who, while spirited, lacked the foresight and patience necessary to be a real challenge. After totally annihilating me the first few rounds, I quickly upped my abilities to their full potential—a bad idea, unfortunately, because now we were completely matched. We'd been locked into this battle for hours, only pausing to get the food (but not, as my stomach complained constantly, to really eat it, aside from a few bites here and there). It seemed like most of the time we couldn't even get near each other, always being on a different level or side, and while my hands kept going, my eyes were starting to lose the war.

"Haruhi, it's getting late. Can't we at least call a draw?"

"A draw only happens when the winner wimps out! I'll only accept total victory! Only then is glory worth anything!"

What glory?! It's a video game, not the Battle of Nagashino!

There wasn't any use telling her that though; her million-watt smile was even brighter than usual, enough to make the sun retire from shame, and I knew if I even hoped to sleep tonight, I'd have to lose. I had to make it subtle though; if Haruhi so much as guessed, we'd be here all night until she won the right way.

Suddenly, I remembered a secret bomb. Perfect—Haruhi didn't even have a clue I knew she had planted it, judging by her excited fidgeting every time I drove close. That'd have to be it. All I had to do was veer left rather than right …

Stars spun around my character's green little head as my final balloon floated away.

"YES!"

Oh, brother. Granted, competitiveness was her guiding light, but still. It was just a video game.

And yet, I had to admit, there was something a little charming about seeing her jump up and down like that. Had it been anyone but Haruhi, I might even go so far as to call it adorable.

"Loser does what winner says for the rest of the day!"

Too bad it was Haruhi. "I don't remember agreeing to those rules."

"It's not a rule you agree to, Kyon, it's common courtesy!"

Not common enough for me to have heard of it. I guess when it was late enough to call it early, I called quits on playing nice with Haruhi's strange rules though, as I quickly picked up the excess food to throw into the fridge. "Whatever, I'm going to bed."

I expected a scolding, so you can imagine my surprise when she said, "Well, I guess you're right."

With cracking knees, she bent down to help, stacking all the boxes and resting them on her head with ease, before continuing, "Where's Hazuki sleeping?"

"My bed. I'll probably have to get a futon out and go in there. I don't want her to wake up and start wandering around the house in the dark." And find you awake and eager to chat went unsaid.

She nodded, holding the boxes down flat so as not to fall off. "So where do I sleep?"

I shrugged. "Wherever you want." It was a big enough house, considering we were the only two here (other than the obvious).

"What kind of a host are you?! I can't just sleep in some random little corner by myself. What kind of a sleepover is that?"

"The kind of sleepover you get when you don't tell the host."

I opened the refrigerator quickly, half-expecting her to ram the boxes in like a raging bull. Where did all that excitement go? From happy to pissed off in 30 seconds flat—only Hazuki had a chance of beating that record.

I sighed. As loathe as I am to do Koizumi a favor, I suppose the least I could do was keep him from having to run out at this hour after a bout of closed space. It had been quite a while since it was a concern, but still. You never knew, so it didn't hurt to be cautious.

"Look, just sleep in my room. You can change in the bathroom first."

I slammed the door shut and walked out—not out of anger or anything. I just felt a very sudden urge to get out of there. It was totally reasonable though—I was tired enough that all I really wanted was to go to bed, which I did immediately after snagging a futon from the linen closet. I didn't even bother changing; I'd probably just trip on something and wake Hazuki up with my luck today—or was it yesterday? Was I really going to have two cursed days in a row?

I would say I was just that tired too, but I guess that wasn't true, since no matter how tightly I crammed my eyelids together, I wouldn't sleep. The human body really was amazing. Barely staying awake one moment and completely unable to rest the next. I just felt nervous all of a sudden. Restless.

Haruhi seemed to be in a similar state, because once she finally opened the door and plunked herself down a few feet away, wrapping a cushy sleeping bag I remembered from last winter around her, she didn't sleep either. At least, I hoped that wasn't what she called sleeping—she kept squirming around like a bucket of fire ants had been poured down those lace-trimmed pajama pants of hers. It got to the point that I had to ask, in a low whisper:

"Haruhi, what's wrong?"

There was a long pause as she stilled. Guess she must have thought I was sleeping.

"Your floor's hard," was all she said, as she turned to put her back towards me and didn't so much as wiggle a toe again.

My floor is_ hard_? And just what is my floor supposed to be, a marshmallow cloud? But I let it slide this time as I followed her lead, turning my gaze in the direction of my bed. I guess a girl was entitled to a bit of nervousness when sleeping in a guy's room, and while Haruhi was a great many things in addition to that, she was still, at the core, just a girl. I mean, she didn't have anything to worry about (I knew far too much about her to even dare walk that road), but it was a totally natural thing.

Maybe that was why I was nervous. I mean, again, sure it was only Haruhi … actually, come to think, that only made it worse. What if Haruhi got up before I did and decided to go exploring?

I involuntarily shuddered and turned my head to go facedown into the pillow. Enough of thinking like that. I was going to have nightmares at this rate, if I ever got to sleep at all.

But, now that I started, I couldn't make myself stop, as I suddenly realized:

The Brigade wasn't here.

Haruhi Suzumiya was in my bedroom.

Maybe I just wasn't a trusting person, but come on. You couldn't tell me there wasn't something going on here.

Carefully and slowly, I kicked off the blanket and stood up. Throwing a quick glance to the girls to make sure they were asleep (which apparently Haruhi had managed—guess she just had to put her mind to it), I stepped outside and shut the door with one hand, while pulling out my cell phone with the other.

In two rings, there was an answer, groggy with sleep but definitely sounding like the person I wanted to talk to.

"Hello."

"Koizumi, what the hell is this?!"

In case you're curious, whisper-yelling is surprisingly easy when the situation calls for it. In a way, it was more effective than regular yelling, as Koizumi took a whole beat before replying, "I'm afraid I don't understand. You'll have to forgive me; it's rather late at night—"

"—Yeah! And you know where Haruhi is? In my bedroom!"

… Two beats this time, before: "Well, I can't say I expected that."

For the first time since I left middle school, I wish I was an Esper. At least then I might be able to telekinetically punch you over the phone.

"Kidding. I understand that you're exaggerating."

Well …

"Unless you're not?"

His tone held every bit of slyness three words could carry, and I grimaced. "It's not like that! She's just sleeping in my bedroom. Hazuki's there too." So don't you dare even imagine something is going on here, Koizumi.

"I see." He hesitated again, and there was a faint rustle as I assume he switched ears. "Well, then why are you calling me?"

"Why do you think?!" I wasn't an idiot. My grades in school might lead one to think that I was barely skirting the edge of average, but I made up for my lack of a studious nature through sheer observance skills, I think. And if there was one thing I have yet to observe in almost two years of being involved with this group, they always came running when Haruhi rang.

So, why not now?

"I'm afraid I really was just busy, so if you thought it was an intentional ploy on my part, I do apologize."

Yeah. Right.

I must have scoffed (or maybe Koizumi just knew me well enough to know), because he asked, "You don't believe me?"

"Considering your job is to keep that girl happy, you can't deny me my skepticism when you say your job is what's keeping you from being here."

"And what if I said that I would like nothing more than to be there? That it is in fact my job to not be there?"

I couldn't see him, but then, I didn't have to. I could picture perfectly well that smug china doll smile painted across his face. Too bad for him; I knew better. "Trust me, she was annoyed that you guys weren't here."

"The lack of closed space says otherwise."

"You said it yourself; she doesn't do that anymore."

"Perhaps. It is true that she's matured past that somewhat; largely due to your influence, I'd add." But whatever his words said, his tone made it clear he didn't buy it as the case.

"So then, if she wasn't really annoyed, why did she want to be here without you guys?"

I counted five whole beats this time, before a light chuckle made me tighten my grip on the phone. "Why are you laughing?!"

"Because if I didn't laugh, I'd cry," he finally said, once he finally grabbed hold of himself again. "But it's rather late. Shall we pick this up again tomorrow? I don't know if I have the strength to try to break through to your brain today."

I wasn't finished by any means, but I let him go. I had better luck of getting a straight answer from the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland than I had from that smarmy bastard, though admittedly he was probably just doing it as revenge for being woken up. It would hardly be the first time that he messed with me for fun. But really, it didn't make sense. Haruhi was frustrated, restless, snippy—it had to be because the Brigade for once didn't catapult themselves into the clouds when she called "Jump!". Now, normally I'd be for this decision, because it was certainly a lesson that Haruhi still needed to learn, but why now? For what possible reason?

My mind drifted to the tiny girl no doubt still clutching Shamisen to her stomach. Hazuki was the only variable I could think of right now—at least, there were no hidden ticking bombs lurking about to my knowledge anyway. Yet that still didn't explain anything! I mean, admittedly girls don't typically time travel into the bedrooms of their future fathers, but it was just an accident! Just a harmless little mistake by an overly curious five year old! They couldn't blame this on Haruhi even if they tried!

So, then, was there a bomb? Something they couldn't even tell me about?

The nervousness that rattled me enough for a quick shot of energy burnt up, leaving me helpless against the wave of exhaustion crashing against me. Whatever their reasons, I wasn't going to discover it tonight. I might as well just sleep and figure it out in the morning.

I barely made it to my futon before finally I succumbed, allowing myself to drift away.

* * *

Unfortunately, however powerful the wave, my sleep wasn't an ocean. Not even a lake. More like a very small, very shallow puddle, because I knew for a fact that it was only an hour later when Hazuki tripped over my stretched out arm and began to cry.

"Mama …"

Damn it.

I flipped over in seconds, picking her up. "Hey, you okay?"

She blinked up at me, clearly confused. She must have been still half-asleep; probably didn't even fully remember when she was. "Papa?"

I gulped, but nodded, checking her over. She didn't look hurt. Probably more surprised than anything.

"Why're we in gram and grandpa's house?"

"You had an adventure, remember?"

Slowly, she nodded, as she rubbed her eyes. "I gotta pee."

I held her close and stood up. She was starting to make her way towards awareness, but I still didn't trust her to roam the halls. I only set her down when we reached the bathroom, where she did her stuff in mere moments.

Unfortunately, she walked out with a wet face and her usual spark. Farewell, sleep. I'm sorry we couldn't have spent more time together.

She squirmed, clutching her stomach, and I couldn't help but grin a little. "Hungry?"

She bobbed her head furiously and took my hand, pulling with an incredible amount of force.

"I'll take you this time!"

I nodded and let her lead the way. I wonder, was she like this in her time, with her version of me? We clearly have a good relationship; if we didn't she wouldn't be so comfortable with the present me. But I obviously wasn't "Papa" to her; she'd called me it in confusion, but to her, I was "P2", no doubt just a cheap copy.

But I couldn't just ask her …

Could I?

We arrived in the kitchen, a grand moment she expressed with an outstretched hand and a quick yelp, "We're here!". She then climbed up onto the nearest stool and waited patiently at the counter, swinging her legs.

"What're we making?"

"We're reheating."

The excitement dimmed a little. "But that's so boring, P2."

"Maybe so, but cooking's harder than it looks, Hazuki."

She bit her lip, looking down into her lap. The swinging was miniscule now, more like tip toe movements.

"Papa does it all the time."

I didn't have anything to say to that, so I looked away. At this rate, I wouldn't have to ask. Hazuki would probably let slip more than I'd ever want to know. I mean, cooking? Not exactly one of my strong suits, though I'd done it more than once out of necessity. How did 'more than once' become 'all the time'?

The room was still painfully quiet when I crammed a plate into the microwave, so I turned to her and went for it. "Do you help him? Cook, I mean."

She nodded. "Papa says he needs the motivation."

Not entirely sure what that meant, but she was smiling so it must have been a private joke.

The microwave beeped eventually and I had just pulled it out when I remembered:

"You know, I think we have a box of cookie mix around here somewhere. Pretty sure I could manage that."

When I turned around, I knew I had struck gold.

* * *

By the time Haruhi woke up and came downstairs, we'd moved past the leftover dinner from last night to the early morning snack cookies to a light breakfast, as Hazuki demanded toast with jam to mark the transition from night to day. We were even dressed, after rooting around in the laundry for some clean clothes. Hazuki's were a bit big, having belonged to my sister, but she didn't seem to mind, judging by how gleefully she punched holes into one of my old belts to make the shorts fit.

This was apparently enough to shock Haruhi, who in her flowing white dress looked like a ghost staring at her murderer.

"When did you get up?"

"Never actually went down."

I offered her some toast but she refused, settling for a banana from the fruit bowl. I shrugged, and continued, "She woke up maybe an hour after we went to bed."

"So you didn't sleep at all?"

"You know, considering that 75% of the reason I didn't sleep was because you kept me up until a ridiculous hour, I don't think you have the right to say that with such a stone solemn face."

She scoffed but kept silent, instead releasing her frustrations by taking a furious chomp out of her fruit. Whatever; she was just mad because she knew it was true. The only reason it wasn't more than that was because Koizumi's trolling certainly counted for something (Hazuki, I decided, was only at 5%, since she couldn't help it).

Almost as if waiting for me to remember him, the doorbell rang. I handed Hazuki another piece and quickly rushed out. I had quite a few choice words for the smiling bastard, and I planned to get them out as quickly and effectively as possible.

But when I got there only Miss Asahina and Nagato were waiting there.

"Eh? No Koizumi?" Haruhi said from behind me. I hadn't even realized she was following.

Miss Asahina shook her head as she waved. "He had some problems at work."

She hesitated, then after stepping inside, looked at me with a pleading sort of intensity. "Actually, he was wondering if you could pick him up. He lost his cell phone, so he won't know where to meet us. It isn't far! He's over by that park downtown!"

She winked. Oh, Miss Asahina, you were trying too hard (though your attempt at duplicity is easily increasing your cuteness tenfold). The minute you said he lost his cell phone, I knew you were lying. Koizumi'd be out of a job without that thing. Clearly, something was up. Well, that's fine. As far as I was concerned, it was about time I finally get dragged into this. As long as it was happening, I felt more comfortable at least knowing about it, considering how they've never been shy about telling me before.

Haruhi, as always, was clueless: "Good thinking! I'd hate for Koizumi to miss this!"

Oh, really? "Miss what, dare I ask?"

"It's a surprise! Just go get him, Kyon!"

And with that she pushed me out the door; never mind that the whole point of this (in her view) was for me to get Koizumi because he didn't know where to go. She must be planning something; I shuddered to think of what, but as long as ...

Wait.

I opened the door and yelled:

"Hazuki!"

In seconds, her head popped out into the entryway. "Yeah?"

"You're coming with me; let's go!"

Haruhi's head soon followed, but she was cut off mid-scowl by Hazuki's excited yelp. It was hard to complain that I was ruining her fun when she practically flew over to me, no doubt.

I pulled out the bike, placed Hazuki in the basket (this time without complaint), and turned toward the park.

"What are we going to do, P2?"

Well, guess there was no harm in telling her.

"We're going to go see a bomb."

* * *

_Not much to say here. This fic is still enjoyable, though sort of interesting for me. While I've never been a strict outliner, this fic is much more free in a lot of respects. Again, it was meant to be a one-shot so I do know where it's going, but it's one of those experiences where you start writing these details and you go, "Hey, I can do this! And if I do this, I can support this! And if I do that ..." Well, you get the picture._

_Anyway, I'm starting college tomorrow, which means I'll be at preorientation and orientation from August 21st till classes start up on September 2nd. Writing time will therefore be nonexistent in that span of time, just to warn you all. Many apologies in advance, but I hope you enjoyed this installment, even though it's shorter than the last by a good few pages—sorry about that!_

_Also, many waves of gratitude to the amazing Mr. CJ, who moonlights as a superhero and betaed this for me._

_Until we meet again._

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: The Haruhi Suzumiya series belongs to Nagaru Tanigawa and Kadokawa. This fic is written for pleasure, not profit.**


	3. Part Three

_Quick, rough cut to prove I'm not dead. College apparently is work--who knew? Things should be dying down after this week though, so let's hope for a return to only slightly annoyingly long update waits. But you know the drill. Be kind, rewind, and feel free to critique as needed._

_

* * *

_

_Part Three._

Hazuki didn't know what a bomb was. At least, I hoped she didn't. I mean, that'd be pretty depressing, if a girl her age knew something like that, but more importantly, it would make her reaction to my statement even more frightening.

"Bomb, bom bom bom BOMB!"

The tune of the song sounded faintly familiar, but I couldn't place it. It was my fault, really. Like she would have any idea what I meant by my poorly made metaphor. Thankfully, the bike ride was short, and we quickly came upon a frighteningly serious-looking Koizumi leaning against a tree. What was even worse though was his outfit. With a wrinkled, quickly thrown-on tee over slacks that looked just a bit too short, he looked like he had just run out of bed and put on the first thing that was convenient.

His hair though was, as always, perfect. Bastard.

He finally saw us coming. Quickly, he pulled out that smile of his once, but I think even he knew the damage was done. He didn't take nearly as much care as he usually did making sure the attachment was seamless, and I couldn't help but think that the edges would curl over any minute now, revealing the truth underneath.

"I thank you for coming over here so promptly. I had worried that Miss Asahina wouldn't be able to convey the message properly."

Well, not exactly, but you don't have to say it like that! "She did just fine. What's up?"

He began to speak, but stopped, as he spotted Hazuki scurrying quickly behind my leg. She poked her head out, smiling shyly, and he waved, causing a short stream of giggles. Weird. Unless . . .

It suddenly hit me like a wayward train. Oh, great—she's got a crush, on Koizumi of all people. Fate just loves twisting the knife into the wound, doesn't it? And judging by the way he's glancing at her . . . and the way he's smiling at me . . .

Damn it all, he knows! And the bastard's proud of it!

Well, there's no way I can let this go on: "Hazuki, go play on the swings or something."

Thankfully, she was still young enough to consider that a better deal, as she quickly shot off towards the nearest one.

"She's a sweet girl," Koizumi commented with that sadistic little smirk of his.

Smug asshole.

"You going to actually tell me what's wrong?"

He faltered, as if remembering suddenly that he had been the one to call me out here. "Well," he gritted, "at the moment, nothing is wrong necessarily."

Uh-huh. "I really don't think you called me out here just for a walk."

"How I wish I could say that were true; but you're right. I didn't."

He stepped closer, then motioned his head toward the park gates. Two lamps, an iron arch, and some running kids—nothing exciting, as far as I could tell, but I had no doubt he was going to say more and he didn't disappoint.

"A few hours ago, closed space opened up in that general vicinity. It was very small—perhaps a few meters at worst—and very short. At best, I would say it took only roughly five minutes for it to dissipate."

This was the part where I could say, 'Ha, I was right! She was upset, you lying little leech of a human being!' But, I figured it'd be best to take the high road, so instead, I just said, "Well, that's good, right? I mean, she's not supposed to be making them at all, but at least she handled it maturely."

I was right though. Just putting it out there.

"Well, yes, that would certainly be a good thing, were it not for two other unfortunate issues."

Should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"And those are?"

"I may have lied earlier, when I said there had been no incidents of closed space."

"Obviously."

He tilted his head, confused. What was he trying to pull?

"You just told me that there was closed space."

His eyes widened in mock-realization, and he bowed his head slightly. "Sorry; I should have been more specific. This exact incident, in the park, was after our phone call."

. . . Oh. "Nightmare?"

"Perhaps."

"Then when was the earlier one?"

"We aren't entirely sure. It lasted less than a minute. Most of us actually had interpreted it a fluke fluctuation—especially as not all of us had sensed it."

Wait, not all? "So it might not have even happened?"

"Perhaps, though we're confident it did. It's far too coincidental, considering the similarities with this second one. It was even sensed by the same select people—"

"—select?"

". . . Namely, myself."

Because that instills me with such confidence. "Only you?"

"Yes."

"How did you even catch it in time? Five minutes isn't that much longer."

The smile deepened. "While I stand by my previous judgment on Miss Suzumiya's feelings on this matter, I'll admit that we did take some precautions."

It took a second for his meaning to cut through the usual pretension, but once it did, it landed with a tremendous bang.

"You thought I'd screw something up, didn't you?"

"You must admit that you are two very reactive people."

I didn't know how I was supposed to respond to that so I pointedly did not. Unfortunately, he was looking at me with a sharp expression I knew to ignore, so instead I turned to check up on Hazuki. All was well—conventional swinging, perhaps because her legs were too short for any really force, had quickly been forgotten, as she instead lay with her stomach flat on the seat, as some other kid spun her around.

Content, I got the conversation back on track: "You mentioned two problems."

"Yes."

"And the second one is?"

"I'm still trying to decide how to word it, though I fear there is no way to do so and keep you from getting angry."

Why would I get angry? I started to turn towards him—

—but he wasn't looking at me. Rather, he was looking at the very place I would have paid him a trillion yen every day for the rest of his life not to look, with a grim expression I would have paid him a trillion more to not have.

"No."

"I haven't even—"

"—I'm observant. No."

"You could at least me explain."

I could. I even probably should. Now, want to? Yeah, right, Koizumi.

Unfortunately, he took my silence as a sign that he had been allowed to do so.

"As I mentioned," he said quickly, as if afraid I'd bolt at the next word, "we had taken some precautions. Many of us were stationed in the area, so we could be quick to respond in the case of a situation. However, it was again like the earlier incident. Only I sensed it, and it was unfortunately not on my watch. While I alerted them quickly and we were able to confirm it using our technology, I unfortunately did not make it in time; I'd be very curious to see how the results would have changed if I had been, but alas . . ."

Despite myself, I asked, "Results?"

He paused, which is how I knew whatever he had to say next was the key element he had been nervous to share. "In addition to being unable to sense it, the other Espers also found themselves unable to enter."

* * *

You'll have to forgive me, but I'm going to have to take a break here. I'm sure this conversation with Koizumi is very important, but right now, there is only person I want to get in touch with.

Dear Fate (please don't balk at the name—I've never been a religious man),

Lately, I know we've come to be very close. Well, "close" in that you seem to have taken a personal interest in steering the ship that is my life any way you see fit, with very little regard for my own preferences in a destination. But, whatever. My point here is that I must be frank. Maybe I've complained before, without due cause. I mean, just take this whole thing with Hazuki for one example. It really wasn't all that bad, once I just shut up and went with it. Maybe there's even a lesson in that, something about learning to roll with the changes or some similarly cliched idea.

That said, I really think that now you're just out to get me.

Was it not enough? A year of dealing with Haruhi Suzumiya, with two more guaranteed to occur. This was even assuming that she did not use her incredibly unfair powers of divine might to get me into the same university as Her Braininess, which would then mean six more years at the minimum. However, let's not assume miracles that perhaps even she won't be able to achieve, so let's go with the three. Three years of playing God's babysitter; three years of chasing after every potential world-ending trauma to nip it in the bud; three years of playing masquerade just to keep her quiet.

Three. Years. It was an admittedly short sentence, but given just what I had to do, I think even Prometheus would say he got the better deal.

So, explain to me, please: just why in the world did Koizumi have to say what he said next? Words so horrible I shudder to even think it, but will do so for your sake, fate, despite what you've done?

"While there are certainly many arguments and no one has reached a consensus yet, I would have to say, given the timing of this . . . I think it's very reasonable that the closed space might have been created by someone else. And, I would say, that while of course one can't be certain . . . that the most likely person to have created it is . . .

"Well, in utter honesty, I think that person is Hazuki."

Just . . . why?

* * *

"No," was all I could think to say.

"I don't think you should be so quick to judge."

"I can be as quick as I want: no."

He smiled, a sort of sympathy softening the lines to make it a bit more genuine than I was used to. "Believe me when I say I wish that it wasn't possible. However, will you at least let me explain my reasoning?"

"There isn't a reasoning in this world that can explain it."

"Then there is no harm in my trying, is there?"

Damn it. He had me there. But no, no he didn't, because he was right—there wasn't any harm in trying because there was no way. Even if—and this was an 'if' so big, it could easily block the sun from view, if not hold the entirety of the Milky Way galaxy inside itself—Hazuki did have Haruhi's powers, there was no way Koizumi could prove it.

There just couldn't be.

"I'll admit that my largest piece of evidence is something you'd no doubt contest—"

"—it's not evidence if it's contestable."

"It _isn't_ contestable; not really. I'm simply sure you'd try regardless." His smile turned sly again, the falseness slithering back over to give it a sickening sheen. "But really, it's simply a matter of timing. Hazuki appeared today. In that one day, two bouts of closed space have occurred. Both are completely erratic and ill-formed, much like Miss Suzumiya's when she first began creating them. Both are also apparently unable to be detected by any current Esper—other than myself, of course."

"And what does that prove?"

"In and of itself? Nothing, admittedly. It may just be simple coincidence. However, I am by far the youngest gifted with the ability to enter closed space. It isn't such a stretch to think that in Hazuki's time, I am the only one still capable of performing the task within the group. Perhaps she is just awakening now, and sensing this, she selected me. Or perhaps it was just coincidence yet again. Perhaps her subconscious has already selected me in her time, and thus I am the only one able to sense them in this time. There is no true way to determine the whys or hows of the matter, but it does at least show you that it cannot possibly be Haruhi's doing."

Unfortunately, yes.

I wasn't about to admit as much though, and I didn't have the heart to take it out on Koizumi again. As he revealed this last tidbit, his shoulders had the battered air of an Atlas who, after finally shirking off the earth on the day of reckoning, had been only entrusted with another one. For all Koizumi's mystery, he'd always made it pretty clear he didn't enjoy making the closed space rounds. While he might be a smarmy bastard, I'm not one to kick a man when he's down.

That said, I didn't intend to roll over and let him kick me either.

"You're wrong," I said, not knowing what else to say.

"Do you have any proof, or are you just hoping?"

"I know. And it's not like you have any proof either."

He smirked, but it was a tired expression, like he just couldn't drag up the energy for it. "Fair enough. I suppose it doesn't matter, at least, for now. She seems like a remarkably easy-going girl. I just hope she doesn't stay too long."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He put up a hand, apologetically waving me off. "I don't mind her being here, necessarily. But you do have to admit, while you're doing your best, you're not her father. Or, not yet, at least. Eventually, she is going to miss her time period and her parents, and that might be a bit more difficult to deal with than a temper tantrum."

As much as I hated to admit it (so I won't, not openly anyway), it was a good point. It wasn't like it wasn't obvious enough already. Try as I might, I really was just a poor copy of . . . well, myself, but still. It stands to reason that Hazuki wouldn't be able to deal with that much longer. She was just a little kid, after all. But Miss Asahina made it seem like it could be any time now that the timer would tick down to zero and she'd be safe and sound in her own time. Surely she could last till then? And then I can prove that whatever is going on around here, it has nothing to do with Hazuki, and all the world to do with—

"Shall we go? I suppose Miss Suzumiya is waiting for us."

Great. Just when I had almost forgotten.

* * *

It wasn't hard to get Hazuki away from the swings, once she saw Koizumi was coming with us. Chalk up another reason to try and nip this crush in the bud; it was only adding fuel to Koizumi's impossible, burning-with-no-oxygen fire and I certainly didn't need his knowing smirk whenever she tried to get his attention. Luckily, it was pretty easy to distract her with other things, as we boarded the subway to Haruhi-knows-where.

It was even easier once we got there.

"This is asking for trouble," I murmured, prompting a laugh out of Koizumi.

"Are you not a fan of amusement parks?"

For indeed, our fearless leader had chosen just that. Of course, she hadn't felt the need to consult me in any way on this. After texting me its latitude and longitude (and how she figured it out, I'll never know), I was forced to pinpoint it on a map. Even then, it only led me to the train station. I had to follow her riddle-like instructions to get here, and for what?

Trouble. Nothing but trouble. In fact, it was an equation only second to 1+1 in simplicity. Sugar rush + adrenaline high + hundreds of screaming kids = death of my sanity. All I had to do was look at Haruhi's manic grin as we approached to know that.

"About time, Kyon! I was getting sick of waiting!" she yelled, just loud enough for Miss Asahina to cower a little behind her. Nagato for her part was as controlled as ever.

Which is my fault, of course. "Why didn't you just go in?"

"Well, then I'd have to pay, idiot!"

What a novel concept.

"It's your cousin that we're taking out," she continued, taking a sweater from her bag ( both white to match the dress) and explaining slowly as if it were a natural part of life, "so of course you're paying, right?"

She buttoned it half way, then dropped her arms to cross around her chest: a total Q.E.D. move. Yeah, right. I fail to see how that logic even pretends to work. And this is your plan to begin with! But, actually telling that to Haruhi would have about as much effect as telling the earth to stop moving, and by this point the damage was done. Hazuki was looking through the gate of the park with eyes so wide they could swallow her head, so it wasn't like I could turn back now. And all in all, things could be worse. An amusement park was at least safe.

Well, safer.

I felt a tug at my wrist. Well, more like a full-on yank, but luckily Hazuki isn't strong enough to do much damage. If it was Haruhi, no doubt my arm would have gone flying. Her voice was a lot more gentle though, as she asked, "Are we going, P2?"

Like I have a choice.

"Eh?" came a confused screech. "P2?!"

But fortunately Haruhi didn't have the opportunity to question further, as Hazuki pulled me forward into the ticket booth, leaving the Brigade scrambling to follow. No one could ever say the kid didn't have her advantages to her.

"I've never been to a musement park before!"

"An amusement," I automatically corrected, as I paid the attendant and stepped out with her. No wonder though; I knew enough about Hazuki by this point to know that it was going to be a mass effort to keep track of her. All I had to do was take a wrong step and I'd lose her.

Speaking of:

"Hey, you still have your . . . ticket home, right?"

"I got it!"

Now if only she actually understands what "it" is. At this rate, I think she'd say anything to make sure she got to stay. A brief check in her pockets though confirmed she was right though, and she smiled madly as I stood back up.

"Told you."

"Guess you did."

Now if it can only stay that way.

"Why don't I take care of her, Kyon?"

That bright, cheerful voice was so like an angel in my time of despair, I hardly doubt I need to clarify that it belonged to Mikuru Asahina, who had finally caught up to me.

"You look a little tired, and I'll have more fun with Hazuki anyway. I don't like a lot of the bigger rides."

"Something tells me those are the ones she's going to want to go on," I started to say, but Hazuki was already beaming and jumping to grab Miss Asahina's hand.. She only hesitated for a moment, looking back and searching my face for some sort of go-ahead, so I gave her a quick nod and she pulled Miss Asahina to parts unknown.

Wait a minute.

"Don't worry. I'll keep them from getting into trouble," Koizumi said, and before I was able to say anything back, he had run off after them. Damn it, that is the opposite of making me feel better! I already had my daughter crushing after you; I really don't need you having a shot of a romantic afternoon all alone with Miss Asahina! One roller coaster ride and she was going to be putty in his hands!

"Back-up."

The curt reply shook me out of my downward spiral, as I saw Nagato glide towards the trio in seconds. Finally, my heart could rest easily. Whatever crisis came about, I knew wholeheartedly that she could take care of it.

But . . . if they're all with Hazuki, then that means . . .

I turned back, just as Haruhi stepped out of the ticket booth, last but most certainly not least, and looked around frantically for the other members of the Brigade.

"Hey, Kyon, where did everybody go?"

I looked back at the direction the others had gone in, but there wasn't so much as a trace of them.

Damn it—they did it again.

Or rather, Koizumi did it again. Miss Asahina may have started it but I knew better than to think it was her idea. He just knew enough by now to know what I wouldn't be able to say no to her. Damn it, damn it, damn it! Now what do I do?"

"Kyon! Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I heard you. They went off somewhere with Hazuki. We'll probably see them eventually."

". . . Oh."

The response was so incredibly un-Haruhi like I had to look at her. Somewhere in the trip from outside the gates to in she had swapped out her yellow ribbon for a yellow beret, one of the baggier ones that hung loose on her head. It was a strange sight, and I almost began to question her on it when I saw the ribbon in her hand, hanging limply in two pieces. She must have tried to fix it and torn it somehow. Now she just fingered it, sliding it between her thumb and index, as her eyes screwed up in frustration. "This is totally not what I had planned! They better have a good explanation for this later!"

Now that's more like it; keep with that, please.

She sighed, exasperated, and tucked the ribbon into her sweater pocket.

"Well," she said, straightening her bag and wrapping her hand tightly around the strap, "you'll have to make up for it a hundred times over." She walked past, making it clear she expected me to follow.

How did I know that was coming? With a sigh to match hers, I did the only thing I could do, jogging until I was alongside her again.

"I don't really like amusement parks, you know."

It was more a personal remark than a complaint, but for some reason I said it out loud, which quickly elicited a scoff.

"Don't be stupid. Everyone likes amusement parks, Kyon."

Because obviously everyone likes what you like, Haruhi. But really it's true. I never had, even when I was a kid. Too loud, too crowded, and not nearly enough to do.

After a while, she spoke again, clenching the bag strap even tighter. "Then why did you even bother to come, idiot?"

Because I didn't know?

"You could have left if you wanted to."

Oh, please. "Like Hazuki would have let me." Like you would have let me.

She weighed this for a moment, before responding with something so odd, it broached total non-sequitur: "You two are pretty close for cousins."

"Not really. My aunt would be pretty pissed if I upset her though."

The punch hit my arm dead center, an instant torpedo. "Ow!"

"That's what you get for being an asshole! She really likes you!"

"I like her too!"

"Then say that!" she said, punching me again but with a little less force this time. With a scowl, her hands retreated crossing against her chest as she suddenly stopped. A group behind us grumbled, but moved around us as I moved back to stay with her.

"Honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is," she continued. "People should say what they really mean. There's nothing wrong with liking your cousin, idiot!"

Then how about you say what you really mean? And what's with all the physical abuse? I feel like the last hen in the pecking order!

She pulled at her bag and continued walking, but my legs couldn't quite get going. Something told me that whatever this was about, it wasn't Hazuki; and worse yet, I couldn't help but feel like I knew exactly what that something was.

Way to go, Koizumi. In your never-ending attempts to screw with me, you were starting to call so much attention to yourself that even Haruhi was picking up on it. Because while I'm not a betting man, I'd be willing to put down all those trillions I'd wanted to give Koizumi earlier that this was about the Brigade's "coincidentally" leaving us alone not once, but twice. And at this rate, mysterious short-form closed spaces were going to be the least of Koizumi's worries. At least I had some ammo now though, to back me up on the "Haruhi is in prime closed-space making mood" proposition.

So then . . . why wasn't I happy about it? As she walked away from me, I could tell she was annoyed. Haruhi always seemed to wear her feelings like a shawl, pulling it around her so tight that she had to adjust her entire body to suit it. Right now her hands were tightly clenched, and her back was stiff and tall. She looked like a cat ready to pounce, every muscle tightly posed for quick action. They were obvious signs, all of them, that I was right, and that this mess was one of Koizumi's own making.

So why was I just as annoyed?

Wait a minute, why am I even asking this? Of course I have a right to be annoyed. Koizumi was messing with me too! It makes perfect sense!

But then, why is he not the one I feel really angry at?

She paused after a while, realizing I hadn't followed, and turned back with a glare. "Well? Are you coming or not?"

Whatever. I'll figure it out later.

I always have to anyway.

* * *

_Ho-hum. I feel like the problem with this chapter is that most of the meat's in the first half, but then it felt too short to cut it off there. Even now it feels slight. However, set-up is set-up, I suppose. Perhaps when I have time to really sit and look at how it fits into future chapters I can make some adjustments._

_Until we meet again!_


End file.
